Penis Plunger and Big Balls: The Evolution of the Human Male bits and pieces
By Cristina Cimellaro
Let’s begin with a brief review of Darwin evolution. According to really smart nerds, evolution is defined as the following:
A process resulting in the survival of those individuals from a population of animals or plants that are best adapted to the prevailing environmental conditions. The survivors tend to produce more offspring than those less well adapted, so that the characteristics of the population change over time, thus accounting for the process of evolution…
blah blah blah blah snoooorrreeeeeeee
But what does that mean?
In short, you either make babies or you don’t. If you make babies, congratulations, your genes continue. If not, then you weren’t fit for the environment and Mama Nature took your ass out of the gene pool.
A component of natural selection is Sexual Selection Theory, or what I like to call Sadie Hawkins Selection. In this type of selection, the female chooses the male mate based on characteristics she deems awesome.
For example, consider the peacock. Ever see a female peacock? Not so ornate. But she doesn’t have to be, because she’s doing the choosing.
Over time, female peacocks have selected males with bigger and bigger plumage so that what we see today is the result of a ba-gillion matings over time.
Females have the rough part, as far as propagation is concerned. Females are vulnerable during reproduction and pregnancy, it's energetically taxing, and there is a limit to how many offspring they can have in a lifetime. A male, however, can have thousands of offspring if he’s busy enough, and many are.
In order to make the babies, males must compete for the females. They compete with behavior, and, here's the kicker, anatomy.
Let’s consider the balls. Balls, testicles, the boys, hairy nuts, etc - make the sperm. In populations where there is a whole lot of hanky panky running amuck, the males tend to have larger testicles in relation to body size. In populations where monogamy is the norm, testicles tend to be smaller. So are human testicles big or small relative to body size?
They are BIG.
That’s right ladies. Number One point to support promiscuous behavior.
Now, let’s consider the penis in all it’s glory.
We all know the whole point of intercourse is to make babies. The male ejaculates into the vagina, the spermies swim to the egg, and bingo! Baby is made. But a little know fact is that the penis has a funny shaped tip that is designed for the purpose of removing sperm from the vagina during intercourse. What that means is that the penis is essentially a plunger. Why would the penis have evolved to remove sperm if its’ whole goal is to deposit sperm?
Because the penis evolved to remove the sperm of other males.
Can it be? Oh yes, it is true. Evolution has dictated the shape of the penis based on one simple fact: The female of our species is supposed to have multiple partners. And often.
Other interesting facts in a nutshell, or nut sack: There is only one egg to millions of sperm; when the male ejaculates the sperm and seminal fluid, it forms a sort of sticky plug to make sure it stays in place (as we all know, it’s impossible to get out of your good towels); sperm have actually been seen working together to get to the egg.
Add to that the Plunger Penis and Big Balls and all of these show that the male of our species has evolved certain anatomical and microscopic features to increase the chances of fertilization. They must increase their chances, because females were designed to have multiple partners.
The consequences to this are so far reaching it’s unbelievable, and it’s something we shall discuss more.
So in conclusion: If you have a vagina, you win.
Facebook: Cristina Cimellaro
*Please note that not all experiences, beliefs and ideas are shared by each member of the “The New Hollywood.” We are a group of shepherds, not sheep.